The King of Impulsive Shopping
by DawnsEternalLight
Summary: It's a slow day for the King of Despair. When boredom causes him to switch on the TV to an infomercial about knives things get a little wacky.


This fic was inspired by xslaine's tumblr post. I saw it and had to write out how I felt the scene would go. Thanks Xslaine for your fabulous idea.

I don't own Kekkai Senesn or any of the characters affiliated with it.

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The room was empty when he walked in. Aligula, Femt, and all their cronies were out doing who knew what leaving the King of Despair by himself. Irritation creased his forehead, they had to be back soon. He'd called this meeting specifically so he wouldn't have to walk in on an empty room. Knowing Aligula she'd come up with a hair brained scheme that had them all running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Despair chuckled at the image of the other's with chicken bodies before flopping onto a couch. He'd just have to watch television until they got back.

"How boring," He mumbled switching the television on.

He flipped through channel after channel, watching as strange creatures blinked into an arguing couple then a cooking show with some kind of extra small eggs being used. "Boring, boring, boring," He was about to switch the set off when a series of the most elegant knives he'd ever had the pleasure of looking at appeared on the screen.

"Do you have a love for sharp objects?" an overly enthusiastic male voice was saying, "Do you hate dull knives? Tired of always having to sharpen them yourself? Well look no further folks! I've got the best deal you can imagine!"

The screen flashed with a long, deadly looking blade and a strange wooden cube. The man was pulling the knife in and out of a slit in the cube, "It sharpens the blade every time you put it away. You'll always have a sharp knife when you need it."

He then proceeded to take the knife and drag it's edge across a heavy metal sheet, over and over until the edge no longer gleamed, but seemed dull and useless.

"No one should do that to a knife!" Despair clinched his fist together in irritation as he watched the man set the sheet aside and plunge the knife once more into the cube. This time it came back out as sharp as it had been before he'd dulled it.

Despair shot forward from his chair, his hands glued to the television, "I need this." He said, "No, I need fifty."

"What do you need fifty knives for?" a bubbly voice came from next to his left ear.

"Yeah, I'd say about four hundred would do nicely." This time a taunting male voice echoed next him on the right.

Despair sat back finding himself in between both Aligula and Femt. "You two are late."

"I'm more interested in the knives, why do you need fifty? Do you want to go hunting because I could help with that you know?" Aligula said.

"I still say four hundred. You can't get anything done with a paltry number like fifty." Femt argued.

"What do you any for at all, when love will work just fine as a knife to the heart." Aligula said her eyes dreamy.

"What are you two idiots talking about?" Despair raised an eyebrow.

"Your knives. Are you going to order them or not?" Aligula asked hands on her hips.

"Only four payments of 19.99 for the set." The announcer was saying, "Just call 988-856-KNIFE and order now. But wait! If you order within the next thirty minutes we'll throw in a second set for free. That's right I said a second set for free. If you don't like them you can always return them and we'll refund your order. But hurry because these knives are going fast and this offer won't last long."

"That's it." Despair said standing to his feet.

"Oh he's going to buy them!" Aligula squealed.

"Make sure you order some for me." Femt said.

"Order your own." Despair shot over his shoulder, he pulled a phone out of his pocket dialing the number.

At the hospital:

"That's two lattes, one caramel and the other hazelnut. Your total will be $8.46"

White handed over the card she shared with her brother Black and the cashier at the coffee cart ran the card. Once, twice, a third try and he handed it back to her shaking his head, "I'm sorry miss your card doesn't seem to be working."

"What?" she said, "Black just checked the balance this morning, it was fine."

"I am sorry mam. But I tried it a few times, and it keeps rejecting your card."

"Let me take care of it, White. Maybe Black made a large purchase and forgot to tell you." Leo said moving to stand next to her. He'd been waiting while she ordered the drinks, not allowed to pay for it at first because she'd insisted. Now it was his turn to insist as she argued back.

"No Leo. I said I'd get the drinks this time."

"Seriously, White it's no problem." It was a little lie. Leo didn't have much cash and never used it on something so frivolous as fancy coffee but he wasn't going to let White down. He handed the cashier a ten and dropped the change in the tip jar.

"I could have figured it out Leo." White grumbled as they waited for the man to brew their coffees. The hiss of the milk frother background noise to the city.

"I know." he rubbed the back of his head, "But it was easier this way. Why don't you call Black and see what's up?"

She turned away at this suggestion and shrugged, "Nah, I'll ask him next time he comes to see me. That way I can clobber him for spending all our money." she turned back to him with a wide grin.

"Hehe, yeah." Leo said.

A few days later White heard a familiar whistling tune, the King of Despair. When he walked into her room she was on her feet in an instant storming over to him.

"You spent all our money. On what? What could possibly be so important that you needed to spend a weeks' worth of our savings? Do you know how embarrassed I was when the card didn't work?" fury laced her voice as she glared at him.

"Whoa! Hold on. I've got a perfectly good reason for spending all that money. And, I've brought you a present." he grinned at her as White stepped back, arms crossed.

"It had better be good." she pouted.

"It is." his smile grew wider and he handed her a wrapped package. She eyed him wary, "What? I can't bring you an apology gift now and again?" he scoffed.

"Fine." she said tearing into the package. Inside was a knife, tucked into a block of wood, "What is this?" she looked up at him.

"It sharpens itself." there was a light of joy in his eyes, "It's really quite amazing."

"This is what you ordered that cost so much? How many did you purchase?"

"Fifty." his grin was the widest she'd seen now.

"Fifty?!"

"Just try it. You can practice throwing the knife at a tree or something. I'm sure it will relieve stress." he waved her off with a dismissive hand.

She stuck her tongue out at him but sauntered out of the room, Despair following her. She made her way out to the graveyard and stood a few steps back from a tree. She pulled the knife out and flung it, with a swoosh and a thump it struck the trunk sticking in.

"Yeah!" she said retrieving it. After a few more tosses she heard a startled yelp from behind her.

"White, what are you doing? Why are we in the cemetery. Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"

She turned to see Black looking at her, his blue eyes wide with surprise, "Hey Black. Watch this!" then with a flourish she turned and threw the knife again, "This is so much fun!"

"White be careful!" his words drowned out by her laughter.

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Thanks for reading my semi-crack fic! I hope you all enjoyed it.

~Dawns Out!


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